


All the Answers

by hopingforaword



Series: A More Progressive World, Of Course [2]
Category: Spring Awakening - Sheik/Sater
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Normal High School, Best friends fighting, Bobby Maler he's the worst, Hanschen And Thea Are Siblings, M/M, Slut Shaming, the main ships is hernst but others are mentioned prep yourself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-07
Updated: 2016-06-08
Packaged: 2018-07-13 00:14:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7130417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hopingforaword/pseuds/hopingforaword
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hänschen and Ernst have been best friends forever. That doesn't mean it's easy for Ernst to watch as Hänschen slowly seduces everyone in sight except him. Nor does it mean that Hänschen isn't interested in Ernst. It just means they both keep quiet about what they really want. When normally slick, well-spoken, know-it-all Hänschen screws everything up, can their relationship be saved, or do you only get one shot at happiness?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Worst Tuesday

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is dedicated to my friend Emma, who I have accidentally dragged into the ring of hell that is Hernst fic and who was there when I came up with the idea for this one. It was originally going to be a happy-ending one shot but I get distracted easily and write new ideas. I think this is better anyhow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit: I edited the paragraph that begins "I know" so that some stuff in chapter two isn't contradictory to this

This was definitely the worst part of Ernst’s day. He was sitting in front of his locker, waiting for Hänschen to get out of class. Ernst had last period free but Hänschen had band last. Ernst always waited for Hänschen so they could walk home together, but none of Ernst’s other friends who had last free waited around. Wendla had a shift at Pinkberry after school and Melchior and Moritz invariably made some excuse to go hang out at Melchior’s house (and, everyone knew, fuck). Thea, Martha, Otto, Georg, and Ilse all had last period, so Ernst was alone in the hallway trying very hard not to think about the boy he was waiting for. 

It didn't work. Ernst and Hänschen had been best friends for as long as Ernst could remember, but he didn't remember when the feelings had started. He remembered in sixth grade he and Hänschen had been walking home and Ernst had blurted out, “I like boys.”

Hänschen had raised an eyebrow, not so much surprised as inquisitory. “So do I.”

“I know.”

They had walked on in silence for a few minutes before Hänschen had smirked and said, “I like girls too.”

I know,” Ernst had said, turning red. Everyone knew Hänschen was bi. Ernst, being Hänschen's best friend, gradually grew painfully aware of the fact. Sometime in seventh grade Hänschen discovered eighth grade girls, and then in eighth grade he discovered eighth grade boys (and, horrifyingly, senior boys). It was someone new every few weeks, some cute boy or girl who, after a week or so, would allow themselves to be taken in by Hänschen's mischievous smirk, all pink lips and green eyes and blonde eyebrows. Hänschen half-tried dating, but he (and Ernst) had found that Hänschen became bored with people easily. In fact Hänschen eventually grew bored of everyone but himself and Ernst. It agonized Ernst to spend seventh and eighth grade hearing about Hänschen making out with different people all the time, but when people started becoming more intimately acquainted with the tall blonde boy, Ernst felt like he was going to die. The first time Hänschen told Ernst about a handjob he gave some senior guy at a party, Ernst hadn't come to school for three days. By the middle of sophomore year, Ernst had gotten used to it. 

That didn't mean it didn't hurt. 

Hence the walking home. For one thing, Hänschen and Ernst lived in neighboring houses, so walking home together made more sense than not, but also if Ernst walked home with Hänschen, Hänschen couldn't run off with some cute girl with a nice ass and some free time or another hot guy with killer abs and a little thirst for the blonde. Ernst couldn't blame them. If Hänschen asked him to go into the woods or up to the roof garden or a deserted classroom, Ernst didn't think he had the self control to say no. He knew Hänschen would never ask, so he would never have to use that absent self-control. Lucky him. 

He just got to see everyone else kiss the boy he loved. 

_ Lucky him.  _

The bell rang and Hänschen was the first sophomore in the hallway and Ernst stood up to lean against his locker while Hänschen grabbed his books. “How was your day?”

Hänschen leaned into his locker, throwing things into and out of his backpack. “Alright. Good scores on some tests, made Gabor almost scream when I started joking about him and Stiefel again, some niner chick flirted with me...how about you?”

“Okay, I guess. I failed my math test.”

Hänschen shut his locker and stared at Ernst for just too long to give Ernst hope. Ernst hated when Hänschen did this. He knew Hänschen would never date him but when those green eyes bore into his own he could never quite think straight. “I'll help you with math,” Hänschen offered, before turning to walk down the hallway, Ernst hurrying to keep up. 

“Really? I mean you don't have to. I can just get a regular tutor or ask for help or—” 

“I'll help Ernst,” Hänschen's voice glided over his own, and Ernst relished how his name sounded coming from Hänschen's mouth. If Ernst could hear only one sound for the rest of his life, it would definitely be Hänschen saying his name. They walked in silence, coming out of the school building and turning down the avenue. “You know you don't have to wait for me.”

“What?”

“I know you have a free last so if you want to go home instead of waiting I'd get it.”

“I like waiting for you.”

Hänschen smiled a little, stopping himself before he grinned too much. “I like it when you wait for me buddy.” He ruffled Ernst's hair in what he genuinely hoped was a friendly gesture. 

Ernst leaned slightly into Hänschen's touch, but straightened when the fingers disappeared. He knew it was probably just some platonic thing, almost little brotherly, but Ernst also knew he wasn't going to get anything else out of Hänschen, so he'd take the physical contact be could get. 

They walked a little farther, Ernst almost skipping and Hänschen watching him out of the corner of his eyes. He never failed to marvel at how happy the shorter brunette boy was all the time. For as little as Ernst thought of himself, Hänschen knew Ernst was quite amazing. Ernst was an artist, always painting or drawing something, but he was built like a track star, all muscle and legs. Years of changing with Ernst in gym or on overnight trips or before jumping in Hänschen’s pool had given Hänschen an intimate knowledge of Ernst’s body. Not in the way Hänschen wanted, of course, but better than nothing. Ernst’s brown hair never seemed to sit quite right, always slightly mussed or lying too flat in one place. Too many times Hänschen had imagined grabbing fistfuls of that brown hair and kissing Ernst until his mouth fell off. More often than he’d like to admit, Ernst had stuck into Hänschen’s head while Hänschen had been with someone else. Once, he had barely stopped himself screaming his best friend’s name. But Hänschen had to play it cool. Ernst was his only real friend, and he needed someone. Besides, Ernst knew about all of Hänschen’s hook ups (some in much too vivid detail). Ernst definitely wouldn’t want him after all that.

Ernst skipped ahead so he didn’t have to look at Hänschen. 6’ 2” and incredibly thin, Hänschen looked liked he belonged on a runway, especially with his bright green eyes and apathetic smirk. Hänschen worse loose leather jackets and black skinny jeans, and in t-shirts and light blue carpenter’s jeans covered in paint stains, Ernst always felt painfully like the ugly best friend.

“Ernst?” Hänschen’s voice broke through his thoughts, and Ernst stopped, turning around to look at his approaching best friend.

“Yeah?” Hänschen was approaching Ernst slowly and Ernst’s heart was beating loudly and Hänschen hadn’t broken their eye contact and Ernst was excited and Ernst was scared–

“What are you doing in math?” And the gaze was broken as Hänschen caught up with Ernst and Ernst turned to walk by his side, heart still racing but feeling severely let down.

“Probability,” he said, trying not to let the disappointment he felt creep into his voice.

Hänschen nodded. He wished that instead of asking his stupid question he had just kissed Ernst, but judging by Ernst’s distance and coldness, he didn’t want that. “Okay. I can definitely help.” He paused and said, “So how about Gabor and Stiefel?”

“What do you mean?”

“How much longer do you think they’ll stay together?”

“Well–I don’t–do you think they’re gonna break up?”

Hänschen shrugged. “When you keep it secret it starts to feel like you have a reason to be ashamed. Melchior turns red whenever anyone talks about them and Moritz still hasn’t told his parents–”

“Moritz’s parents think he’s straight.”

Hänschen blinked rapidly. “Moritz Stiefel? The gayest kid in our grade?”

“Hey I’m gayer than Moritz!”

“It’s not a competition Ernst,” Hänschen laughed.

Ernst’s gaze dropped to his feet. “He’s definitely done more than me.”

“One: that’s not hard with Melchior.” Ernst half-laughed, remembering Hänschen’s Melchior phase. “Two: it’s not like you haven’t had offers.”

Ernst rolled his eyes. It was true, he had had plenty of offers, from slightly confused girls and desperate boys, but, “I didn’t want any of them.”

“You’re so picky,” Hänschen laughed, “Bobby Maler’s pretty hot.”

Ernst scrunched up his nose at the thought of the greasy junior quarterback.  “Not my type.”

Hänschen laughed again. “Then who is?”

Ernst bit back the snappy retort, “You,” and instead said, “Melchior, I guess.” In a lot of ways, Melchior was just like Hänschen, just a little broader and brunette instead of blonde. Ernst had a type alright, and that type was slight deviations from Hänschen Rilow. “Moritz too.” Ernst thought about the crush he had had in sixth grade on crazy-haired, wild-eyed, lost Moritz, and grinned a little at the boy he remembered.

Hänschen smirked, slightly disappointed that he hadn’t made Ernst’s list. “You should just ask for a threesome.”

Ernst looked disgusted and shook his head. “I don’t like to share.”

“Neither do I,” Hänschen said and accidentally-on-purpose brushed his hand against Ernst’s. Ernst tried not to notice.

They reached Ernst’s house. “Do–do you want to come in?”

Hänschen smiled. He loved going into Ernst’s house, since it was so full of life and happiness. Hänschen’s house was empty, and if anyone was home it was Thea locked up in her room or Mrs. Rilow drinking in the parlor or Mr. Rilow raging on the phone. If he was at Ernst’s house, he could be happy just by being in the space with so many happy people.

“I’d love to.”

Hänschen followed Ernst into the house and they took off their shoes by the door. Ernst called, “Hi Mom!” only seconds before Hänschen shouted, “Hi Mrs. Robel!”

“Hi sweetie! Hi Hänschen!” Mrs. Robel called back. “Are you staying for dinner?”

“I’d never miss Taco Tuesday at the Robel house.” Hänschen smiled at Ernst, who felt like he was melting. How was it fair that Hänschen was good with everyone?

“Okay! You two have fun! Only about five minutes until food though!”

Hänschen and Ernst raced up the stairs to Ernst’s bedroom, Hänschen beating Ernst by a few steps. They threw their bags on the floor and threw themselves onto Ernst’s bed.

“What do you want to do?” Ernst asked.

“We could start your math tutoring.” Ernst groaned. “Fine. I guess we could play truth or dare.” Ernst sat up a little, nodding enthusiastically. “You start.”

“Truth or dare?”

“Truth.” Hänschen stretched out on Ernst’s bed, hands behind his head and eyes closed.

“Who’s your favorite ex-hookup?” Ernst immediately regretted asking the question, but there was nothing he could do about it now.

Hänschen thought, but his thoughts were overwhelmed with the smell of Ernst’s sheets snd the idea that he could just turn around and kiss Ernst and rip Ernst’s shirt off and take Ernst apart right now. Then one memory floated up. “Melchior,” he said, and Ernst laughed. “What?” Hänschen asked indignantly.

“You two are so similar. It’s like hooking up with yourself.”

Hänschen scoffed. “We’re not that similar. We’re both smart and bi–”

“And arrogant and possessive and funny and hot.”

Hänschen sat up and faced Ernst. “You think I’m hot?”

Ernst instantly turned bright red. “It’s just a universally accepted truth, isn’t it?”

Hänschen leaned forward, his face inches from Ernst’s. “I asked what you thought.”

Ernst cleared his throat. “It’s your turn.”

“Truth or dare Ernst?”

“Dare,” Ernst whispered.

Hänschen leaned forward and  _ oh God _ he was kissing Ernst and clumsy, shy, never-been-kissed Ernst was fumbling and Hänschen didn’t care because Ernst was the most beautiful man in the world.

Hänschen didn't want to stop kissing Ernst, but when Mrs. Robel called, “Boys! Dinner!” he pulled back and stood up. Ernst looked at the floor and stood up, walking to the door and quickly pushing past Hänschen. 

“Are you alright Ernst?” Ernst didn't turn around or say anything, so Hänschen followed him down the stairs, unwilling to push but afraid of his best friend’s silence. 

There was too much silence at dinner. There were four other Robel children, so there was some noise, but when Hänschen came over he always told stories that made Ernst blush, fourteen year old twins Michael and Matthew snort laughter, twelve year old Mary cough uncomfortably, and eight year old Anna look quizzical. Mrs. and Mr. Robel invariably told Hänschen off, but with a happy glint in their eye because they knew Hänschen was happier there than at home and they wanted him to keep coming back. When Hänschen told his first story of the night, one about a girl who accidentally butt-dialed her ex boyfriend while hooking up with Hänschen, everyone laughed except Ernst. When he looked up and saw Hänschen watching him, Ernst smiled a lock-jawed, tight-lipped smile and said, “Funny.” 

Hänschen didn't tell anymore stories that night, instead letting the twins ramble about some dance while he watched Ernst. Ernst thought Hänschen was hot, but kissing him had somehow been offensive? It didn't matter. Hänschen needed Ernst, so he'd apologize after dinner and things would be normal again. 

After dinner, Hänschen and Ernst went up to Ernst’s room, but Matthew stopped Hänschen and said, “I need some advice.”

“About?”

“Sex.”

Hänschen didn't need specifics. He knew about Matthew’s relationship, and if Matthew thought he was ready to have sex, that wasn't Hänschen's business anyhow. “Don't do it in a car or when other people are home. Even if you think you can, don't. Always wear a condom,  _ always _ Matthew. And remember, it's not just about you. It's about her too.”

Matthew hugged Hänschen quickly, and Hänschen didn't know what to do. The Rilows didn't exactly hug that much. “Thanks Hänschen,” and Matthew ran off to his room. 

Hänschen made to enter Ernst’s room, but Ernst was blocking the entrance, holding his backpack. “I think you should go.”

“Is it because I kissed you?”

“It's because I don't need you messing with my life or my brother’s.”

“I'm not messing with you and I'm just giving him advice.”

“He's fourteen Hänschen,” Ernst hissed, clearly not wanting his parents to guess what they were talking about. 

“So was I!”

“Maybe I want my brother to be more like me than like you!” Both had abandoned the pretense of quietness.

“What's that supposed to mean?”

“Maybe I don't want my brother to be an asshole and a player!”

Hänschen's head reeled more than he was willing to admit. Ernst, his best friend, had finally told him what they had only ever acknowledged silently. “Maybe you're just pissy he didn't ask you for advice!” Ernst was forgetting that this was Hänschen's game. The Rilows didn't fight openly, just through snide remarks and well-timed comments. “And you know why he didn’t ask you?”

Ernst’s jaw was clenched and his eyes were dark. The knuckles on the hand clenching Hänschen’s backpack were turning white. “Why?” He didn’t move his jaw with the harsh question, just his lips, and Hänschen wished he could go back to those five seconds before Mrs. Robel had called when Hänschen had been kissing those lips.

“Because if he wanted sex advice from a virgin, he’d ask one of his dumb eighth grade friends.” The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them and Hänschen instantly regretted them, but that didn’t stop the vindictive smile he always got after insulting someone. Ernst threw Hänschen’s backpack at his feet.

“It’s time for you to go.” Ernst slammed the door shut. Hänschen moved to knock, but decided he’d made enough bad decisions for one night and walked down the stairs, slipping his shoes on with a quick, “Bye Robels!” to which everyone in the house except Ernst called back, “Bye Hänschen!” He walked out the door, taking care not to slam the door of a house he was now unsure he would ever be allowed back into.

He drudged up the steps to his house, opening the door and slamming that one, because he could. Hänschen could do whatever he wanted at his house, because no one in the Rilow house was going to stop him. He stomped up the stairs to his room, slamming the door shut behind him before locking it, throwing his shoes and backpack on the floor before collapsing in tears on his bed. Hanschen had never messed something up this badly before. If he didn’t have Ernst he had nobody left. 

Hänschen’s phone dinged, and for one heart-stopping second he thought Ernst had texted him back, having suddenly forgiven him. He saw it was actually a text from Bobby Maler. 

 

Bobby M: You doing anything tomorrow?

 

Hänschen thought. He was desperate and lonely and he’d just blown any fraction of a chance he had with Ernst. 

 

Hänschen: No. What are you suggesting?

Bobby M: I think you know. ;)

Hänschen: My place or yours?

Bobby M: Def yours. Right after school?

Hänschen: See you then.

Hänschen didn’t feel bad. Bobby would just be another boy. Just another person who Hänschen felt no attachment to and screwed around with for the fun of it. He didn’t feel bad. He didn’t.

He kept telling himself he didn’t as he cried himself to sleep.


	2. One Wonderful Thursday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally going to be two chapters with the split between Hänschen sneaking out and him showing up at Ernst's window, but I liked it better as one.

Hänschen and Ernst barely spoke the next day, but Hänschen came in the day after with several dark hickeys peeking out of his collar. Ernst still needed his help in math, and Hänschen still wanted to be friends. Ernst heard the whispers of the class as Hänschen walked up to him.

“I’m sorry I was an ass about the virginity thing. Lots of kids our age are virgins and that really wasn’t fair.”  _ I’m sorry I kissed you and ruined everything too, but I know you don’t want to hear that. _

“It’s alright.”  _ I wish you’d apologize for running off with someone else the second after you kissed me, but you don’t even know it bothered me and I’d never tell you. _

Before either boy could say another word or even attempt to vocalize their true feelings, Bobby Maler sauntered in, wrapping his arm around Hänschen’s waist as he pushed his mouth onto Hänschen’s neck. “Thanks for last night Hänsi. You were  _ very _ good.” He released Hänschen and drifted back to his seat. Hänschen looked at Ernst, whose face was blank except for the tightness in his jaw. 

“I’m–I’m sorry Ernst.”  _ I’m sorry for anyone who wasn’t you and especially for last night with Bobby but mostly for wasting time with a million other people when all I want right now is you. _

“For what? You didn’t do anything.”  _ I accept your apology on the terms that you look at me the way you looked at Melchior before, that you kiss me the way I saw you kiss Ilse that one time, that you fuck me the way you fucked Bobby. _

The bell rang, and the boys sat down with the rest of their class, not looking at each other and, for the first time in any class they’d ever had together, not speaking once.

They sat next to each other at lunch, not speaking as their friends sat down around them. Wendla and Ilse babbled about some concert they were going to, Melchior and Moritz had weekend plans to go to a bunch of museums, Otto and Georg were grounded, Martha was having a sleepover. “With who?” Wendla asked.

“Me.” Thea arrived and her brother’s jaw locked a little. Hänschen didn’t mind that his friends were Thea’s friends, he was just worried about what she would say next. “Mom and Dad are going away for the weekend, even after yesterday.” Hänschen looked at her, trying to silently communicate that this wasn’t the time to talk about such things. Maybe Thea was oblivious or maybe she didn’t care about her brother’s wishes. Either way, she barrelled on. “If you keep pulling the kind of crap you pulled with Bobby last night neither of us is going to be allowed to do anything or go anywhere.”

Hänschen laughed coldly, painfully aware of Ernst staring down at his plate and not saying anything but listening intently. “Mr. and Mrs. Rilow don’t give a shit what I do so long as I don’t get caught.”

All the other conversation at the table had stopped, everyone listening to the Rilows uncomfortably. Thea put her hand on Hänschen’s and everyone looked surprised. They weren’t big on physical affection and Hänschen hated being touched. Well, he hated being touched platonically.

“I just don’t want you to get hurt.”

Hänschen looked down at his knees. “I won’t.”  _ It’s too late for all that I’m already broken beyond repair and now Ernst doesn’t want me but I understand because no one wants someone that they have to fix right? _

Thea let go of Hänschen’s hand and turned to Wendla, Ilse, and Martha to discuss their plans for the weekend. The silence around the table dissipated, and Ernst’s hand slipped onto Hänschen’s knee. The blonde made eye contact with his best friend. Hänschen’s eyes were big and Ernst thought he’d never seen Hänschen so vulnerable. Ernst wanted to hold him tight and kiss him and make him feel better. But only part of that was his job.

Hänschen walked home with Ernst and they immediately started Ernst's math tutoring, Hänschen correcting one minor mistake after another until Ernst's homework was done entirely correctly. Hänschen almost got lost in Ernst’s freckles, and Ernst couldn't get Hanschen’s green eyes out of his mind, but they somehow made it through. 

“Soda break?” Ernst asked. 

“Sure.”

Ernst walked out of the room to go get soda for each boy and Hänschen sat on Ernst’s bed, waiting for Ernst to return. Matthew stuck his head in the door and looked around the room. “Ernst here?” Hänschen shook his head and Matthew sighed with relief, entering the room and sitting down next to Hänschen.

“I take it your little mission didn’t go so well?”

“She chickened out.” Hänschen raised an eyebrow and Matthew said, “Oh alright we chickened out.”

“How far’d you get?”

“She was in her bra and panties and I was in my boxers and I couldn’t unclip her bra and we both started laughing so hard.” Hänschen smirked, trying not to laugh and Matthew punched him. “Shut up asshat.”

“It’s a funny story, the kind you’ll tell in bars someday.”

Matthew sighed. “I just wanted to prove I loved her and now I look like some immature idiot.”

Hänschen sighed and put his hand on Matthew’s knee. “Being not ready to have sex doesn’t mean you don’t love someone and it doesn’t make you immature. It makes you fourteen.”

“You had sex when you were fourteen.”

Hänschen sighed. He often wished fewer people knew about this, because fourteen year old Hänschen was not someone that sixteen year old Hänschen wanted to think about as often as everyone else wanted to talk about him. “I was in a bad place. I was drinking and going to senior parties and having sex with seniors. Seniors, Matthew, some five years older than me. They didn’t love me and they didn’t care about my piece of mind, they just wanted some cute boy to fuck. And I was there. And with everything going on at home, I would fuck anyone who talked to me and pretended to care for five minutes. I was in a bad place Matthew, and I don’t want you to ever be in that place. And I don’t want you doing what I did for attention or to be like me or whatever.”

“What got you out of it?”

“As has happened so often in my life, Ernst Robel came to the rescue.” Matthew snorted. “I know you think your brother’s a clown, but he’s been there for me through so much. If not for him, I’d probably be selling myself to the highest bidder or wasting away in rehab.”

“Didn’t you sleep with Bobby Maler yesterday?” News traveled fast in their small town, especially when a certain junior tagged Hänschen in Instagram photos of his various hickeys. 

“Case in point.”

Matthew sighed. “Ernst really cares about you Hänschen. I know you think he’s just putting up with you until graduation, but he really cares about you. We all do.” He hugged Hänschen, who still had no idea what to do in a hug.

Ernst cleared his throat in the doorway. “Hänschen’s a little old and a lot male for you Matthew.”

Matthew stood up and walked to the door. “Good thing he’s just the right age and gender for you then,” he laughed as he disappeared from sight and Ernst’s cheeks went scarlet. He looked up at Hänschen, who was, for the first time Ernst could ever remember, crying. Ernst wrapped his arms around his best friend, pulling him down to the mattress as the tears fell quickly down his pale skin. 

“Hänsi what’s wrong?”

Hänschen hiccupped and tried to speak through his sobs. “I was just–I was thinking and–I used to be in such a bad place–and you rescued me–and then I spent years fucking around–and I’m so sorry, especially about Bobby and I’m sorry I kissed you.”

“I’m not.”

“What?”

Ernst leaned forward and kissed Hänschen and it was his turn to be surprised as Ernst held his cheeks and peppered Hänschen's face with kisses, his eyes, his cheeks, his lips, his jaw. Hänschen's tears didn't seem to matter to Ernst, who was kissing Hänschen so quickly you'd think he was dying. Hänschen closed his eyes, revelling in the feeling of Ernst's mouth on his skin. Hänschen pulled Ernst back up to his mouth and  _ holy shit  _ this couldn't be Ernst's second kiss he was too skilled, too good at all the things that made Hänschen fall apart. 

Hänschen's phone rang and he wasn't going to pick up except Ernst sat back and handed his phone to him. Frowning, Hänschen saw a message from his mother. 

“I have to go.” Ernst looked like someone cancelled Christmas. “I swear this isn't like before. I want to stay but—” He showed Ernst the text. Whatever he had done to garner his mother’s attention, Hänschen was afraid he had finally gone too far. 

“Go.” Ernst planted a small kiss on Hänschen's cheek. “I'll see you tomorrow?”

“Of course.” Hänschen picked up his bag and slowly walked over to his own house. 

When Hänschen got into the dining room, his parents and sister were sitting there waiting for him. He sat next to Thea. “What's going on?”

“I know we've never really stopped you from doing what you wanted.” Hänschen held in a laugh. To stop Hänschen from doing what he wanted they'd have to give a crap that he was there. “But there are some new rules.”

Hänschen raised an eyebrow. There weren't rules. Rules didn't apply to him. He was Hänschen Rilow. 

“Bobby can't come over again.”

“Why?” Hänschen didn't care about Bobby, but he sensed that something bigger was going on. 

“We know you slept with him.”

Hänschen didn’t even consider how they knew. “And this is your business because?”

“Because it's bad for my business,” Mr. Rilow said. “Sure, I can excuse your partying and messing around with girls but—”

“But the local tycoon can't have a son who likes other boys?” Hänschen was snarling, but he didn't care. This was bullshit. 

“What about a daughter who likes girls?” Hänschen would never have believed that his sister would come to his defense, that she would talk back to the monumental figure their father had always been, and yet there she was like they had always been on the same side. And he realized they had been. 

Mr. and Mrs. Rilow just looked at Thea, who looked back unflinchingly. “You both have to stay quiet.”

Hänschen stood up. “I'm not staying in the closet for anyone, especially you. Everyone already knows dad. There's nothing you can do.”

Mr. Rilow hissed, “If either of you want to keep living here, you'll stay quiet and you won't get caught.”

Hänschen ran up to his room, Thea close behind him. They sat on Hänschen's bed and held each other and cried. Neither of them had ever imagined this, that they'd have to stay quiet because of their father’s business. A few hours later, when they had cried all their tears and sobbed themselves into silence, Hänschen wiped his tears away and looked at his sister. “Can you cover for me?”

Thea nodded. “When will you be back?”

“Probably an hour.”

“That quick?” she laughed and Hänschen smiled. 

“I'm going to Ernst’s, not Bobby’s.”

“You have to tell him Hänsi. If you don't, you'll both explode.” He nodded and she smiled. “Go on now, go get your man.” Hänschen had never been more grateful for his sister, or for the fire emergency ladder his mother had bought him. He climbed out of his window and walked to the back of Ernst’s house.

 

It wasn't unusual for Hänschen to show up at Ernst’s window late at night. He had done it the first time he kissed someone, the first time he'd had sex, the first real fight he and his father had had. It just hadn't happened in a while. Hänschen had stopped having firsts. So when Ernst heard tapping on his window, he wasn't totally shocked to see his best friend, just a little worried. 

“May I come in?” Ernst stepped to the side and Hänschen entered. Ernst had been getting ready for bed, evidenced by the pulled back covers and the pajamas on the bed. 

“I'm sorry if you were getting ready for bed but the Rilows just had a very exciting conversation.”

“About?”

“My dad said if Thea and I want to live at home, we have to pretend to be straight.”

“Oh.” Hänschen sat down on Ernst's bed and Ernst followed him, taking his hand. “Why?”

“Apparently having a son who fucks other boys isn't good publicity.” Hänschen snorted. “And of course this comes right after I start actually liking someone that I'd want to bring home. I was finally ready to ask someone out for real, and my dad says I can't even be casually screwing around.”

“I thought you didn’t  _ do _ dating. In fact, in your words not mine, ‘Hänschen Rilow doesn’t do dating, he does people.’” Ernst looked at Hänschen, no doubt expecting a witty comeback, but also afraid that he was right and this whole thing was a joke.

“Despite what my statistics help may have you think, I guess  I don’t have all the answers.”

“No kidding,” Ernst laughed, “You kissed me twice.” Hänschen looked at him.

“That is something I have the answers about Ernst. I really like you.”

“Like in a friend way or a romantic way or a fucking way?”

Hänschen laughed at Ernst’s bluntness. “All three. But maybe we’ll hold off on the last one.”

“Don't hold off on my account Hänsi. I'd gladly—”

“And that's the issue. I need to prove to you and to me that I can be a good boyfriend  _ and _ a good lay. Boyfriend first, sex later.”

Ernst smiled. “I can already tell you're going to be a great boyfriend.” He pulled Hänschen into a kiss before leaning back and asking, “Can you stay?”

“Ernst were you listening?”

“Not like sex just… Just stay with me please Hänschen.”

Hänschen typed out a fast text to his sister, promising to be home before his parents woke up. Ernst laid down and Hänschen curled up behind and around him, snuggling his head into Ernst’s warm neck.

“I heard what you said to Matthew. It was good advice.”

“I didn't think so.”

“I think you made him think, and that's what good advice does. It doesn't tell you what to do, it tells you how to think.”

They laid there in silence, Hänschen listening as his best friend’s breathing slowed.  “I love you Ernst,” he whispered when he thought the other boy was asleep. 

“I love you Hänschen,” Ernst muttered back. 

And Hänschen realized he might never have all the answers. All he needed was the right answers to the important questions. 

**Author's Note:**

> Contact me at hopingforaword.tumblr.com with prompts/ideas/comments. Thanks for reading!


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